“Wired Differently”: Dr. Mark Rackley Breaks Down ADHD, Shame, and the Real Cost of Repressed Emotions

The psychologist behind the calm voice—on trauma stored in the gut, overthinking as a superpower, and the truth about perfectionism Dr. Mark Rackley on ADHD Chatter Dr. Mark Rackley is the kind of psychologist who doesn’t just listen—he feels . With over 20 years in the field, he's become one of the UK’s leading voices on adolescent and adult mental health, especially for people who’ve grown up being told they’re “too much.” A Trinity College Dublin graduate, he’s worked in everything from NHS trauma units to private clinics in London, and is now best known for his podcast I Have Issues , where he dissects mental health with honesty and empathy. His past includes being the resident psychologist on Big Brother  (yes, really), but his present is all about de-stigmatizing neurodiversity and helping people understand their minds—especially those with ADHD and autism. In this episode with host Alex, Dr. Rackley unpacks the emotional backlog that often follows a late diagnosis, why schools still get it wrong, and how people with ADHD can build a better relationship with their emotions, bodies, and boundaries. This is the episode for anyone who's ever left a party convinced they talked too much—and then couldn’t sleep because of it. The Lowdown ADHD isn't a behavior issue—it's a different brain wiringShame and rejection sensitivity are major blockers to asking for helpRepressed emotions can manifest physically—think gut issues, migrainesGirls and boys often present ADHD differently through school yearsPerfectionism, people-pleasing, and intrusive thoughts are common symptoms—not quirksAnger post-diagnosis? Totally normal. But it's grief underneathTools that work: mindfulness, music, movement, and creating safer environmentsLabels matter less than self-understanding—but diagnosis can still be powerful “Repressed Emotion Will Poison Your Body” Physical symptoms are often emotional in disguise Emotions trapped in the brain get displaced—migraines, gut issues, even dermatological reactions. Shame adds another layer: it’s a belief system, not just a passing feeling. The body doesn’t lie. When emotions are avoided, your health pays the price. “If repressed emotion is held in the brain, then the brain has to do something with that energy.” —Dr. Mark Rackley“They don’t have a bug, they have emotion trapped in the body.” —Dr. Mark Rackley “Shame Can Literally Keep You Inside” Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is more than insecurity—it’s paralysis RSD makes everyday risks—like texting someone first—feel emotionally dangerous. Overcompensation can swing both ways: total silence or life-of-the-party mode. It’s not overreaction; it’s self-protection from anticipated pain. “The difference feels negative, so you expect rejection.” —Dr. Mark Rackley“They won’t go to the shop in case they say something wrong.” —Alex “You’re Born With It” Late diagnosis isn't a lightbulb moment—it’s a reckoning Anger and grief are common after a late ADHD diagnosis—because it could have been easier . Diagnosis offers a map, not just a label. It helps make sense of everything that came before. Schools, workplaces, relationships—they all take a toll when the wiring is misunderstood. “Your brain is wired differently. That’s not a flaw.” —Dr. Mark Rackley“You think: maybe that relationship would have lasted. Maybe I wouldn’t have been fired.” —Alex “Emotional Dysregulation Goes Both Ways” High highs are as intense as the low lows Meltdowns aren't just tantrums—they’re neurological overflow. Joy can be just as dysregulating; the party never ends, then the crash comes hard. Understanding triggers is step one. Intervening early is step two. “It can be positive too—people who never want the night to end.” —Dr. Mark Rackley “Some teachers are petrol on the flames.” —Dr. Mark Rackley “Perfectionism Isn’t a Flex” It stops you from trying, not because you don’t care—but because you care too much Fear of failure triggers a flight response—hello, avoidance. Exams missed, projects abandoned, ideas left in notebooks. The bar is imaginary—and unreachable. “Perfect people don’t exist. Nobody expects that of you.” —Dr. Mark Rackley “They don’t drop out because they don’t care. They care too much .” —Dr. Mark Rackley “Saying No Is Protection” People-pleasing isn’t kindness—it’s self-erasure People with ADHD are wired for “yes”—especially when bored or needing stimulation. Every yes that feels wrong chips away at your integrity. Healthy boundaries are how you get your self-respect back. “If people don’t like you, that doesn’t mean you’re unlikable.” —Dr. Mark Rackley “You lose agency when you people-please.” —Dr. Mark Rackley “Overthinking Is A Superpower—Until It Isn’t” Context is key: creativity or catastrophe? Overthinking helps solve problems—but it also breeds anxiety if left unchecked. Intrusive thoughts are normal. It’s the attention you give them that makes them powerful. Use ADHD’s gift for distraction to steer away from spirals. “It’s a hangover of human nature—just not helpful anymore.” —Dr. Mark Rackley “Use the distraction—ADHD minds are great  at looking the other way.” —Dr. Mark Rackley Quickfire: How To Wind Down A Busy ADHD Brain Q: Top 3 tips for falling asleep with ADHD? A: Kill the devices an hour before bed. Make the bedroom a calm zone. Use white noise—it soothes without stimulating. Q: What helps with intrusive thoughts? A: Mindfulness. Distraction. And not believing every thought you think. Q: What's the biggest mistake before bed? A: Scrolling. Especially for ADHD brains craving stimulation. Q: Any chemical help? A: Oxytocin, surprisingly—hugs, pets, connection—can calm the nervous system pre-sleep. “The School System Wasn’t Built For Us” Education needs a reboot, not a reform Traditional schools favor compliance over curiosity. ADHD kids don’t need punishment—they need praise, movement, and stimulation. Without support, kids internalize failure as identity. “They don’t want the naughty kids.” —Dr. Mark Rackley “Your memories of school? They’re not supposed to be trauma flashbacks.” —Alex What’s Next: Advice For The Newly Diagnosed Q: I’m full of anger after my diagnosis. What now? A: Your anger is valid. But it needs direction. Don’t let it harm you—move it with exercise, therapy, or creative outlets. Q: How do I know if it’s anger or something else? A: Pause. Reflect. Often, it’s sadness, disappointment, or grief disguised as rage. “You’ve already been through enough harm—don’t let your anger do more.” —Dr. Mark Rackley “Sometimes people cry when they’re ‘angry’—because it’s not anger. It’s sadness.” —Dr. Mark Rackley