“I Collect Penguins”The lesson of Fat Freddy the penguin and how it changed Dr. Amen’s parenting forever

From dating chaos to dopamine crashes, Dr. Amen breaks down the real-life impact of ADHD, why your brain’s sleepiness might be wrecking your love life, and how the ‘One-Page Miracle’ might just save it. Before he was scanning brains and rewriting mental health protocols, Dr. Daniel Amen was just a dad trying to figure out why his son was driving him nuts. In this gripping and personal conversation with Jay Shetty, Dr. Amen returns to the On Purpose  podcast to deliver an urgent message for anyone affected by ADHD — which, spoiler alert, is probably everyone. Whether you're dating someone with ADHD, raising a child who might have it, or just wondering why you lose motivation at 3 p.m. every day, this one's for you. Dr. Amen, founder of Amen Clinics and author of Healing ADD , dives into the neurobiology of attention, relationships, and trauma — and why noticing what you like  in others could be the key to healing. Backed by decades of brain scans and real-life stories, he unpacks how untreated ADD doesn’t just tank productivity — it unravels families, relationships, and even your immune system. The Lowdown ADHD shows up differently in men and women — and it’s often missed in girls Untreated ADHD can lead to trauma, failed relationships, and even cancer risk Dr. Amen’s “One-Page Miracle” is his go-to for rewiring your brain around what you actually want Love someone with ADHD? It’s about seeing what works, not what’s missing Supplements, sleep, and neurofeedback can be more powerful than meds — but knowing your brain type is key If you’re keeping score in your relationship, you’re already losing ADHD isn’t just for kids — and it definitely doesn’t disappear with age “What Do You Want?” The One-Page Miracle could change your life — and your prefrontal cortex. Forget vision boards. Dr. Amen’s top exercise for ADHD patients is way simpler: one sheet of paper listing exactly what you want in life — love, work, health, money. Then, ask: “Does my behavior fit?” This is about training your brain, not just setting goals. “We all have weird, crazy, stupid thoughts. But when you have ADD, your inside voice gets out.” – Dr. Daniel Amen “Men Go to Jail 14 Times More Often” Male brains have sleepier frontal lobes — and that might explain a lot. According to Dr. Amen’s 46,000-brain study, men have less active prefrontal cortices than women. That means less inhibition, more impulsivity, and a 14x higher incarceration rate. It’s not just behavior — it’s brain structure. “Girls have it too. But when untreated, it devastates their lives.” – Dr. Daniel Amen “Your Relationship Isn’t Broken — Your Dopamine Might Be” Love, breakups, drama: how ADHD rewires romantic relationships. ADHD affects how people love — from falling fast (dopamine spike) to breaking up once the ‘high’ crashes. If this cycle sounds familiar, it might be time for a screening, not just couples therapy. “Don’t get married in the next two months. Wait until the dopamine wears off.” – Dr. Daniel Amen “You’re Not Stuck With the Brain You Have” Healing starts when you see your brain — literally. At Amen Clinics, patients get scanned twice: at rest and under concentration. If the brain drops  in activity under pressure, that’s a red flag. Treatments range from saffron to neurofeedback — and yes, sometimes meds. “Saffron is as effective as Ritalin in some studies.” – Dr. Daniel Amen “Throw the Wrapper Away” Why small acts of love matter more than perfection in ADHD partnerships. Dr. Amen’s story of getting annoyed at his wife Tana for leaving candy wrappers out ends with a gut-punch: imagining the counter without her. ADHD isn’t an excuse — but it requires compassion, structure, and help. “If she didn’t love me, I wouldn’t be with her. But she’s kind — and we hire organizers.” – Dr. Daniel Amen “I Collect Penguins” The lesson of Fat Freddy the penguin and how it changed Amen’s parenting forever. When Amen realized he was only giving his son attention when he misbehaved, he had a revelation — inspired by a penguin trained with positive reinforcement. Now, he collects penguins to remind himself: notice what you like. “I was inadvertently teaching him to be bad to get my attention.” – Dr. Daniel Amen “You’re on the Same Team” Winning an argument means you both lose. ADHD relationships often become battlegrounds for time, chores, and memory lapses. But if you’re keeping score, especially one-sided, resentment builds. The antidote: active listening, and asking what you  can do to help. “If I have to win, there’s a deficit somewhere in me.” – Dr. Daniel Amen Quickfire Is ADHD curable? No, but in half of kids it improves over time — especially with diet, exercise, and structure. Best brain hacks for ADHD? Exercise first thing. Use a 10,000-lux light box. Prioritize sleep. Eliminate snoring (check for sleep apnea). What if your partner has ADHD? Hire help. Notice what’s going right. Give up the idea of perfection — and don’t weaponize punctuality. What if you have a parent with ADHD? Be encouraging. Help them understand it’s not just a childhood issue. Age doesn’t erase ADHD. Should you tell your boss or teacher? Only if you need accommodations. ADHD is legally a disability, so you’re entitled — but disclosure has risks.