“You Twist Yourself Into the Shape That’s Required of You”
ADHD disrupts identity, not just attention—Dr. Judith Mohring breaks down the neuroscience behind self-awareness, burnout, and the struggle to stay seen in a neurotypical world Step into the inner workings of the ADHD experience with Dr. Judith Mohring, a Cambridge-educated psychiatrist and passionate advocate for women’s mental health. With a career steeped in clinical psychiatry and a deep understanding of the neurological nuance behind ADHD, Judith doesn’t just treat it—she translates it. In this episode of ADHD Chatter , Alex connects with Judith to unravel the science, the struggle, and the superpowers behind the ADHD brain. But this isn’t your standard medical Q&A. Think: how a puppy metaphor explains your brain, how being ‘pretzeled’ by people-pleasing can crush your self-worth, and why self-awareness is the bedrock of everything. From practical tips on navigating the workplace with neurodivergence, to raw admissions of burnout, addiction, and societal dismissal—this one hits personal, clinical, and revolutionary. Here’s how self-understanding and science meet soul in one unforgettable conversation. The Lowdown: ADHD is less about deficit and more about dysregulation—especially when it comes to attention, dopamine, and identity. Women with undiagnosed ADHD often feel gaslit by their own shifting moods and misunderstood by everyone else. "Pretzeling"—adapting too much to others—is both a hidden skill and a silent killer of selfhood. Self-awareness is not a luxury—it’s the anchor for mental health, career sustainability, and emotional resilience. Diagnosis brings both relief and grief—why didn’t I know sooner? Neurodivergent folks often live in cycles of burnout, overcommitment, and internalised shame—despite their brilliance. Workplaces often fail ADHD talent by ignoring cognitive diversity, expecting neurotypicals in genius disguise. Coaching, journaling, mindfulness, and movement—sometimes more potent than meds. Your brain is a puppy: curious, excitable, and needs training—not punishment. "It's Like Going Through Life Naked": Why ADHD Starts with a Loss of Self ADHD distorts the first function of executive thinking: self-awareness. Many women walk through life unsure of who they are, feeling like they’re missing a social skin. Default mode network overactivity? That’s what makes you a people-pleasing, shape-shifting “pretzel.” “You twist yourself into the shape that's required of you.” – Dr. Judith Mohring “ADHD is not a deficit of attention, it's a deficit of self-awareness.” – Alex "The Tide Is In, The Tide Is Out": ADHD Isn’t One Mood, It’s a Cycle ADHD is tidal. Your dopamine and noradrenaline levels swing, making you a hyperfocused machine one hour and completely zoned out the next. It confuses friends, coworkers—and doctors. This internal unpredictability means women often get labeled "moody" or "inconsistent." “There’s a difference in tonic vs. phasic dopamine—we ride those waves, even when we don’t know it.” – Dr. Judith Mohring "Coming Out" With ADHD: Why It's Still Hard to Speak Up The stigma is real. ADHD is often dismissed as a “middle-class excuse” or a childhood-only disorder. In workplaces, power dynamics and shame keep people quiet. Rather than say “I have ADHD,” try framing it around needs: “I’m the kind of person who needs quiet to do my best work.” “You don’t need to tell your boss you have ADHD to get the accommodations you deserve.” – Dr. Judith Mohring "Last Minute Lucy": Post-Diagnosis Isn't a Fix—It's a Reframing After diagnosis, people don’t just suddenly get better. They start noticing the “co-morbid” stuff—addictions, OCD, eating disorders. They also grapple with grief, identity shifts, and late-realization shame. “It takes 2–3 years to fully come to terms with how ADHD shaped your past.” – Dr. Judith Mohring “The Default Mode Puppy”: Your Brain Isn’t Broken, It’s Curious Judith’s go-to metaphor? A puppy. Your brain’s default mode network—responsible for daydreaming, empathy, wandering thoughts—isn’t misbehaving. It just needs love, routine, and rest. “It wants to wander off the path. But it also needs training and sleep.” – Dr. Judith Mohring “I Now Have a ‘Now, Soon, Later’ Basket”: ADHD Tools for Sanity Self-awareness tools Judith recommends? Journaling. Mindful movement. Executive function questions like “Where am I? What am I doing? How long do I have?” If it feels silly, it’s probably working. “ADHD gets worse when we’re sleep-deprived or drinking or disconnected from our body.” – Dr. Judith Mohring Quickfire: What's One Thing That Moves You the Most? Q: What’s the most powerful moment you’ve witnessed with ADHD women? A: "Validation. That moment when someone goes, ‘It wasn’t just me.’ They’re not broken. They’re not mad. They’re just misunderstood." What's Next: Three Rules to Live By From the previous guest: Learn to communicate clearly. Relationships matter—be open and compassionate. Care for yourself physically and intellectually. Next rules coming soon—watch this space. Final Word: A Puppy in Horse Poo Dr. Judith’s ADHD item? A puppy. Not just any puppy—a symbol of your wandering, curious brain. Train it with kindness, not punishment. Let it sniff the path, not roll in the metaphorical horse poo (unless, of course, that’s your joy). “You don’t need to fix your brain. You need to understand it—and then decide what to do with that knowledge.” – Dr. Judith Mohring
