Welcome to the Gut Punch: Pancakes, RSD and the ADHD Mind, Unraveled

Featuring psychologists Joe Perkins and Mark Rackley — deep-dive into Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, why emotional pain hits like a physical blow, and how everyday comments can set off an internal explosion. Joe Perkins  is a clinical psychologist specializing in ADHD and emotional regulation, combining academic insight with real-world tips. Mark Rackley   is a psychologist and couples therapist who draws on years of work with neurodivergent clients of all ages. Together, they merge brain science with everyday experience—bringing compassion, clarity, and punchiness to RSD conversations. 🎓 Dr Joe Perkins Chartered coaching & counselling psychologist, C‑Suite leadership coach, and neurodiversity specialist. She supports senior executives and high‑performers, drawing on a strong foundation in clinical psychology. His work spans emotional regulation, burnout prevention, RSD, and ADHD—rooted in research and real-world application. He’s a regular speaker, defying “fluffy” self-help with evidence-backed strategies for navigating workplace and life stress. 🧠 Dr Mark Rackley A psychologist with over 20 years of experience specializing in ADHD and autism (often referred to as AuDHD), Mark works primarily with teenagers—though he also supports adults in unpacking complex emotional landscapes. He’s known for making brain science accessible, with expertise in social dynamics, overthinking, people‑pleasing, and RSD in neurodivergent individuals  The Lowdown RSD = Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria : intense emotional and bodily reaction to real or imagined rejection, failure, or criticism. Emotion is  pain—the brain doesn’t differentiate emotional hurt from physical harm. ADHD primes the system: weak emotional regulation, impulsivity, hyperfocus, and hypervigilance create RSD risk. Triggers can be microscopic—like a pancake recipe correction, a text emoji, or a missed social cue. Humor, self-soothing, emotional naming, and attunement are powerful antidotes. Left unchecked, RSD can drive burnout, toxic relationships, and, in extreme cases, suicidal ideation. Emotional attunement—recognizing the micro‑signs—builds real resilience. “It’s Not About the Pancakes” Your personal skill becomes the flashpoint for shame Host Alex recounts an interaction that spiraled after his partner suggested he mix pancakes in a different order. For him, it wasn’t a cooking critique—it felt like an attack on his identity, revealing how RSD distorts a tiny moment into a tidal wave of self‑doubt. “It’s death by a thousand cuts. Every wound stacks.” – Rackley “That wasn’t about pancakes. It was about the other stuff already going on.” – Perkins “The Brain Doesn’t Know It’s Not Physical Pain” Emotional hurt literally feels like being burned When people view an ex’s picture, MRI scans show their brain lights up in areas associated with physical pain—just like holding a hot cup of coffee. It's biological proof that emotional rejection triggers a visceral, physical reaction. “The pain is real. The brain doesn’t differentiate.” – Rackley “ADHD Sets the Stage for Emotional Whiplash” Hyperfocus and impulsivity make every interaction a minefield ADHD brains are wired to notice everything—then hyperfocus on the worst interpretation. Weak emotional control and executive function means a single comment can spiral instantly. “You don’t slow down to verify the incoming.” – Perkins “Your limbic system screams, and your prefrontal cortex can’t shut it down.” – Rackley “A Thumbs-Up Emoji Can Feel Like an Insult” Your brain fills the silence—and not always in a nice way Neutral social signals—a full stop in a text, friends going out without you—can feel like proof of abandonment. Especially on tired or emotionally strained days. RSD hijacks logic and injects meaning that might not exist. “Everything is risky. Everything becomes about being left behind.” – Rackley “You feel rejected when they cancel, even if they reschedule.” – Perkins “RSD Can Make You Stay in the Wrong Relationships” Fear of rejection shapes who you choose—and what you tolerate Some choose partners they believe are "safe" rather than compatible. RSD can fuel overwork, burnout, and entrenchment in toxic environments because separation = rejection. “RSD can land you in a manipulative workplace or coercive relationship.” – Perkins “You Can’t Manage It If You Don’t Name It” Labeling the feeling means it stops owning you Acknowledging RSD as an external experience—not your identity—is huge. Naming it, making jokes with trusted people, and reframing the internal narrative can lessen its power. “Name it. Don’t be it.” – Rackley “You’re not the feeling. You’re having the feeling.” – Perkins “It Can Spiral Into Suicidal Thinking—Fast” The speed of RSD makes it dangerous without the right tools Unlike depression, RSD can trigger intense hopelessness in moments. Add ADHD impulsivity, and the risk escalates. This isn’t dramatic—it’s real, and knowing it helps protect you. “You’re not avoiding discomfort by avoiding RSD. You’re just avoiding relief.” – Perkins “It’s Not Unbearable—It’s Uncomfortable” Emotional resilience builds when you surf rather than flee the wave By learning to read your body—jaw tension, frown lines, tight tongue—you catch early warning signs. You can step back, regulate, and return to safety. It’s not about never getting hit—it’s about learning to bounce. “Feelings have a rhythm. Ride the wave. Don’t drown in it.” – Perkins Quickfire: The Washing Machine of Woes Q: Why am I stuck in negative thought loops? Your brain might trick that rumination into feeling rewarding. It’s actually a way to problem-solve or escape boredom. Catch the loop early and gently shift. Q: How do I stop obsessing on past mistakes? Awareness plus choice. “Only lose what you cling to.” Feel the discomfort and learn—it’s uncomfortable, not unbearable. Q: Do confident people still feel hurt? Yes. Confidence doesn’t erase feeling—it just softens the impact. Q: Does RSD change with age? It shifts. Teens fixate on belonging. Adults may fixate on careers, partnerships, or identity. The core pain remains unless it’s addressed. Final Words of Wisdom Buddha:  “You can only lose what you cling to.” Three Rules to Live By from a past guest: Always ponder the meaning of life. You don’t always have to be right. Be willing to fail—risks aren’t as bad as they seem. Addressing RSD isn’t about avoiding the emotional hits—it’s about building the resilience to withstand them. The pancakes may come, but you don’t have to flip the pan every time.