#ADHDChatter - "You Don’t Lose Your Mind — You Just Forgot to Save the File"
- Romy Kraus
- Jun 10
- 3 min read
As routines disappear and responsibilities stack up, ADHD in adulthood demands new tools, deeper self-awareness, and real emotional scaffolding
Dr. Jo Perkins doesn’t just talk the talk—she’s been reshaping the ADHD space for over two decades. With 23 years as a practicing psychologist, her approach fuses science with life experience, bringing warmth and realness to the ADHD conversation. In this episode of ADHD Chatter, she links up with host Alex to dissect how ADHD symptoms evolve (or explode) with age.
The duo dives deep into memory lapses, impulsivity, menopause, and the myth of “aging gracefully” when your executive functions are permanently under siege. Expect sharp truths, solid tips, and zero sugar-coating.
The Lowdown
ADHD can intensify with age due to life pressures, but it can also get easier with the right strategies.
Memory loss is not always dementia—ADHD forgetfulness has its own chaotic logic.
Hormones + ADHD + perimenopause = a perfect storm for many women.
Impulsivity doesn’t disappear—it just shapeshifts.
Awareness is everything: knowing you have ADHD can flip the whole script, even late in life.
Self-compassion and habit-hacking are essential tools for aging well with ADHD.
You’re never too old for a diagnosis—it might be the clarity you've needed all along.
“The Structure You Had Is Gone, But The Demands Have Tripled”
Growing older strips away external scaffolding like school or parental oversight, right as responsibilities peak—work, parenting, mortgages. Executive dysfunction becomes a full-time struggle, and many coping mechanisms start to collapse under pressure.
"We're expected to be more independent. That just increases as we go through life." – Dr. Jo Perkins
"You wake up fine, then one thing happens, and you're emotionally derailed for the whole day." – Dr. Jo Perkins
“ADHD & Alcoholism? They Grow Together If You Let Them”
Alex draws parallels between his alcoholism and ADHD—both worsened with age until he got help. ADHD can spiral in similar ways when left unmanaged, piling up regret and self-doubt into a mental pressure cooker.
"You better get on with it now." – Alex"It's a vicious cycle… emotional dysregulation makes it harder to focus." – Dr. Jo Perkins
“Perimenopause Isn’t Just Hot Flushes. It’s Mental Chaos”
For many women, perimenopause is the trigger for late ADHD diagnosis. The hormone rollercoaster fuels anxiety, sleep issues, brain fog, and a sense of emotional unraveling—often misdiagnosed or dismissed as “just aging.”
"You're just being told ‘Yeah, it's because you're getting older.’" – Dr. Jo Perkins
"It affects memory. It affects anxiety. And it lasts for years." – Dr. Jo Perkins
“Impulsivity Doesn’t Vanish. It Just Rebrands.”
Forget wild teenage antics—adult ADHD impulsivity means booking trips, switching careers, or repainting your house hours before a flight. It can spark joy or chaos, sometimes both.
"It can look like a midlife crisis, but maybe isn’t." – Dr. Jo Perkins
"It can be a recipe for disaster… or success." – Dr. Jo Perkins
“You Might Think You're Coping. You’re Actually Just Surviving.”
Dr. Jo warns that decades of “getting by” without diagnosis can mask the deeper toll ADHD takes—especially when routines become rituals that aren’t compatible with work, relationships, or change.
"That survival mode might shrink your world." – Dr. Jo Perkins
"We can become very fearful of change, and that creates huge anxiety." – Dr. Jo Perkins
“Short-Term Memory Loss Isn’t Always Dementia”
ADHD forgetfulness feels scary—blanking on entire conversations, missing events—but it’s about distraction, not degeneration. Knowing the difference can save unnecessary panic.
"It’s terrifying. I have no recollection whatsoever." – Dr. Jo Perkins
"It’s not progressive like dementia—it’s stress-related." – Dr. Jo Perkins
“Shame Doesn’t Die, But It Gets Quieter”
Understanding ADHD helps turn years of shame into self-compassion. Shame shrinks when failures stop stacking up and people stop people-pleasing themselves into burnout.
"It’s not that shame disappears. It’s that it doesn’t run the show anymore." – Dr. Jo Perkins
"You realize the world doesn’t fall apart when you say no." – Dr. Jo Perkins
“You’re Not Broken. Just Wired Differently”
Whether you’re 16 or 66, a diagnosis can be life-changing. Not because it solves everything, but because it finally explains it—and that’s power.
"You’re never too old. Awareness is liberating." – Dr. Jo Perkins
"That self-awareness is enough to psychologically calm down." – Dr. Jo Perkins
Quickfire: What’s Next?
Can someone be too old to get diagnosed with ADHD?
Nope. Diagnosis at any age can offer clarity, compassion, and improved self-advocacy—especially in medical settings.
What’s one emotional prep step for menopause?
Track your symptoms. Know your cycle. Don’t gaslight yourself into thinking it’s just stress.
Top tip for future-proofing your ADHD life?
Start with small, automatic habits. Don’t wait for motivation. Just externalize time and build routines that run themselves.
The Letter: 3 Rules to Live By
From the previous guest to Dr. Jo Perkins:
Focus on what's truly right.
Empathize with those around you.
Impute quality in everything you do.
