“It Was Just Pancakes… But I Fell Apart”
- Romy Kraus
- May 18
- 3 min read
Why Rejection Sensitivity Hits Like a Punch to the Gut — And What to Do When It Spirals
🎙️ INTRO – “You’re Not Too Sensitive. Your Brain Just Feels Louder.”
Meet the Experts
👨⚕️ Dr. Joe Perkins – Psychologist specializing in ADHD, trauma, and teens
🧠 Dr. Mark Rackley – ADHD specialist focused on emotional regulation
Together, they break down why some people react so intensely to rejection—and why it’s not about being weak. It’s about being wired differently.
“RSD isn’t overreacting. It’s your brain lighting up like you’ve been physically attacked.” – Dr. Rackley
🎬 SCENE SETTER – “One Comment. One Glance. Total Shutdown.”
You're cooking. You're calm. You're proud. Then someone says:
“You’re doing it wrong.”
And just like that, you’re spiraling. It’s not about pancakes. It’s RSD.
❗ WHY IT MATTERS – “Not Chosen. Not Invited. Not Enough.”
What’s At Stake
RSD can hijack your day, your relationships, and your identity. For neurodivergent youth, unchecked RSD can lead to:
Shame spirals
Relationship sabotage
Burnout
Suicidal ideation
“The story you tell yourself becomes the pain you can’t forget.” – Dr. Perkins
🧠 TL;DR – Quick Facts to Know Before You Spiral
RSD = rejection pain on overdrive
Your brain treats emotional pain like physical injury
ADHD brains struggle with emotional regulation
Even imagined rejection can trigger an intense response
It’s not about being “too emotional.” It’s about being neurologically overwhelmed
🧩 DEFINITION – “It’s Not What Happened. It’s What It Meant to You.”
What Is Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria?
An intense reaction to real or imagined rejection, failure, or criticism
Often results in rage, shutdown, or shame
Can make neutral moments feel like personal attacks
“It’s like being socially stabbed by a typo.”
🧬 THE SCIENCE – “Heartbreak and Burnt Fingers? Your Brain Thinks They’re the Same.”
What’s Going On In Your Brain
RSD activates the same pain centers as physical injuries
Your limbic system explodes emotionally
Your prefrontal cortex can’t calm it down fast enough
ADHD/AuDHD brains often struggle to regulate this imbalance
⚡ TRIGGERS – “Left on Read. Left Out. Left Behind.”
What Sparks It — And Why It Hurts
Trigger | Interpretation |
No reply | “They’re ignoring me” |
Friends hang out without you | “I’m not wanted” |
Criticism | “I’m a failure” |
A thumbs-up emoji | “They’re mad at me” |
“The trigger isn’t the issue—it’s what your brain decides it means.”
🌀 ADHD OVERLAP – “You Zoom In So Hard You Can’t Zoom Out.”
Why ADHD and AuDHD Make It Worse
Hyperfocus traps you in the moment
Emotional regulation is underpowered
You can’t filter emotional signals
You obsessively analyze every detail
🎭 MASKING & PEOPLE-PLEASING – “I’m Fine.” (You’re Not.)
How RSD Changes Your Behavior
Over-apologizing
Dating for safety, not chemistry
Saying yes when you want to say no
Avoiding conflict at all costs
“You live your life trying not to get hurt—and still feel like you’re bleeding.”
💣 CONSEQUENCES – “One Tiny Thing Can Be The Last Straw.”
What Happens If You Don’t Catch It
Blow-ups
Shutdowns
Burnout
Risk of self-harm or suicidal thoughts
“It’s not the pancakes. It’s the history they triggered.”
🔄 IN-THE-MOMENT STRATEGIES – “Recognize It. Don’t Believe It. Ride It Out.”
What to Do Right Now
Say out loud: “This is RSD.”
Get space. Don’t engage yet.
Move your body. Drink water.
Delay decisions—especially texts.
🛠️ LONG-TERM TOOLS – “You Can’t Prevent Triggers. You Can Build a System.”
How to Stay Regulated
Problem | Fix |
Constant overthinking | 10-minute “spiral window,” then pivot |
Emotional crashes | Have a recovery ritual (walk, playlist, cold water) |
People-pleasing | Practice saying “no” in low-risk situations |
Social media stress | Time limits + mute triggers |
Emotional confusion | Name your RSD like a cartoon character |
🧘 EARLY WARNING SIGNS – “Your Body Knows First.”
How to Catch It Before It Spirals
Jaw clenched
Dry mouth
Twitchy scrolling
Talking fast
Haven’t eaten or moved in hours
“Learn to spot your inner red flags like a pro athlete tracks injuries.”
😂 HUMOR AS HEALING – “If You Can’t Beat the Feeling… Meme It.”
Why Laughter Helps
Humor reframes the spiral
Lowers cortisol
Builds distance from shame
Makes the story safe to share
“Name your RSD. Mock it. Make it smaller than you.”
🎯 ACTION GRID – “You Can Spiral. Or You Can Intervene.”
When this happens… | Try this… |
Someone corrects you | “This feels personal. But maybe it’s not.” |
You obsess over a social post | Leave the app. Change location. Hydrate. |
You feel excluded | Text a safe person. Reframe the story. |
You want to lash out | Take 10. No texting. No decisions. |
You’re shutdown | Get sunlight. Move. Do one small task. |
🧵 FINAL THOUGHT – “Uncomfortable Isn’t Unbearable.”
You can’t stop rejection.But you can stop letting it ruin you.
This isn’t about being dramatic. It’s about learning to surf the wave without going under.
“You’re not broken. You’re just wired for high-voltage emotions. Learn the system. Reclaim the power.”
